(In)discretion

Usually I avoid band wagons, but a weekly writing assignment isn’t bad, and like Heather, it gets my brain going . . . Weekly Anamnesis (a recollection of past events) #2:

(In)discretion: Something said or done that is tactless or unwise

My roommate was mad at me and I didn’t know why. She wouldn’t talk to me and walked out of the room if I entered. I finally cornered her and simply asked, “What did I do?” I was not prepared for the answer.

“Someone said that they had heard that you had said that anybody could have passed the math exam I failed.”

Ahhh, my indiscretion revealed to me, yet it had never happened. I try really hard to have tact, and though I may think a certain comment, I would never actually say it. I tease, but I am not cruel, and that would have been cruel. Besides the fact, I didn’t know she had taken a math test.

“Ummm, I would never say that. I didn’t even know you took a math test.”

“You should have, we are in the same major. (Elementary Education)”

I shook my head and bit my tongue wanting so badly to say, “What, should I ask every day when I see you, ‘So, fail any math tests today?’.” But I managed to hold the comment back.

When she realized this reason for her anger no longer worked she tried other tactics.

“What a bout the time we were at church choir and you wouldn’t let me direct the music.”

“Umm, (that um was vital for my thinking as I searched my memory banks trying to locate the accused occasion) the director asked me to conduct. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings; I was just doing what I had been asked to do.”

“What about . . .” she came up with a number of different scenarios, all of which had a reasonable explanation, until she finally, in a last desperate attempt, said, “Well, I guess you are too wrapped up in your self then.”

There it was. My final indiscretion after all others had failed. What did it mean? Was it one final stab to the heart or did it have basis? It haunted me, I had always tried to be kind and put others first, had I failed so miserably? I knew the conversation was over. Her face closed off and she got up to walk away.

“Whatever it was, I’m sorry, and hope you can forgive me some day.” My last feeble attempt to patch a broken bond. And then I moved on.

It hurt, because I tried so hard to let her know that I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her or anyone. We had been friends, good friends. I shall never know what really set her off. I shall never know what my real indiscretion was. Maybe it was trusting her and becoming her good friend in the first place. We parted our ways and she never spoke to me again. She is probably still fuming somewhere about her insensitive roommate just as I am sitting here wondering what unforgivable faux pas I was to have committed.

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3 Comments

Filed under Anamnesis, Personal History, Writing, Youth

3 responses to “(In)discretion

  1. Isn’t it sad when things end like that? I’ve made similar (unintentional) indiscretions and have learned to look back on the lost friendship as an evolution of our lives, and not an end. After all, we’ll never know what those girls were really think, or why they were really hurt.

  2. well clearly, you were never gonna come out of that battle without scars. it’s a prime example though, that what is important to us, isn’t always important to someone else, and vice versa. score keepers are hard to compete with, btw. i’m just saying…

  3. I’ve come to the conclusion that I simply don’t understand the score keepers. I actually feel quite sorry for them. How miserable they must be. Quite honestly I don’t ever think about the incident unless prompted, and yet for the score keepers it haunts them alway. How terrible for them. Maybe that is why she was so mad, I didn’t get mad back or let it bother me . . .hmmmm…

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