Mommy Madness

Dedicated to all moms every where:

(to be read with wit, humor, a little sarcasm, and exhaustion by the end . . . heh)

I wash the dishes with one hand
And dry them with the other,
A hundred courts of peaches canned
Tomorrow I‘ll do another.

My right hand changes diapers,
My left hand throws the ball.
My feet stop the snipers
Creeping down the hall.

I can serve a gourmet lunch
While I drive the mini-van.
I spot every nasty punch
Before they execute the plan.

I spend hours sewing britches
Not to mention lesson plans
Doctor mom is easing itches
My kids are the biggest fans.

I can total up the budget
While I grocery shop.
When I cook I never fudge-it,
And I ne’er waste a drop.

My left foot rocks the cradle
My right foot is a horse
My hand wields the ladle
As I serve another course.

My house is always spic-n-span,
My kids are always neat.
I have got the perfect tan,
My figure is elite.

I read a million stories
While brushing all their teeth.
I examine former glories
And the scars that lay beneath.

One more hug and then another
In sleep they drift away
One last call for mother, mother
And all that was just today!

-J.H. Schmidt



Filed under Humor, Parenting, Poetry, Writing

6 responses to “Mommy Madness

  1. Oh I love this poem! I assume you wrote it? It so well shows how crazy and hectic a mom’s life is. And like you said, that was all in ONE day!

  2. I did write it. I needed something humerous after a crazy weekend and this happened to be the result. Glad you liked it! 🙂

  3. I’m depressed–you are too perfect for me if this is an acurate description! I was doing fine until the spic and span house…as soon as one of my kids come home…housekeeping flies right out the door.

    Are you Super Mom, or is this actually a goal?

    No offense–but is anyone really all that? In one day? One week? One life? And write poetry, too?!

  4. Definitely not super mom! I should have mentioned this that this is to be read with shear wit and humor and a little sarcasm, and completely out of breath by the time you hit the end. Absolutely not an image of myself, just something funny. Oh, and my house is any thing but spic and span, my kids definitely aren’t neat, and figure is anything but elite. heh.

    I was going for something to make moms laugh at themsleves and the antics they go through trying to juggle everything they have to juggle during one day. 🙂

  5. Wow, you are truly talented! That was a great poem. I have been enjoying you blog a great deal and look forward to reading more from you… and especially updates on Jacob.

  6. Actually Julia, I think you hit on the right tone and I read it right until I read the comments and realized you were the author. Then I began to feel a bit intimidated. You’ve probably seen the placqes with the child’s handprints talking about the dusting etc. that doesn’t get done, but these hands are just this small for such a short time. Well, very much my style. I never saw housework that couldn’t be put off to be with my kids, so it is my own feelings of inadaqucy that came to the forefront here. I really do like the poem, and now even moreso to read it as a goal, perhaps more than as an achievement. It truly is the picture of what most mothers with several young children are doing.
    I read it thinking, yup, been there, done that, tried to do that… and some of us get mentally stuck in that stage (speaking for myself) but my house is cleaner, my kids are mostly on their own, and I have a bigger food budget, so don’t try to do so much canning and bread making etc. that once I did.

    Obviously a good poem, for it struck seveal chords–thanks:D

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