The Top Ten Reasons Why You Should NEVER Go Shopping The Day After A Long Vacation (With All Your Kids)

1.  The children are not fooled by the sudden clean appearance of the car – should you dare to ask them to enter you will have a revolt on your hands – especially when the notice the TVs have been removed (we have the removable kind that attach to the back of the two front seats.)

2. Sandals become projectile missles launched from the cart by the two year old.

3. The two year old becomes houdini and has decided that he has been buckled into things for long enough and to heck with the safety restraint in the cart, we need to stand and flap our arms in the breeze as the cart rolls along forcing mom to clench to him with one arm and stear with the other (and the unborn baby – heh) Any attempt to get him buckled in will result in endless shrieks and end in defeat as two seconds later he is free again crying, “I free! I free!” with great delight.

4. The children feel a need to finish the poking, fighting, and needling that they began in the car the day before – apparantly its not quite out of their system.

5.  Your children have become suddenly deaf to anything you ask them to do or not do – and you swear you didn’t have the volume up THAT loud in the car.

6. Maybe they are deaf because the two year old chooses to shriek his dissaproval so that everyone around you in the store stares at you with that “control your child” look and plugs their ears.

7.  The children feel a need to express their car freedom by dancing around the cart and having races down every aisle and nearly crashing into every cart, person, and display available – remember they are no deaf so they can’t hear you asking them to “please walk”

8. The children also feel a need to express their displeasure with each other by pounding on them so that strangers have to tell them to be nice to each other while you are hanging onto the wiggly two year old and trying to pay for the groceries.

9. You can’t walk without halting every two seconds to snag a child by the scruff of the neck to keep them from running off and as a result get rammed by the bagger behind you who didn’t realize you stopped. He smashes the cart full tilt into your ankle, then your toungue hurts when you bite it to refrain from crying out choice expletives.  So now you are limping out to the car and speaking with an odd slur.

10.  A Mother’s sanity has already been stretched tot he maximum limit for the last two weeks and will find herself headed straight for the looney bin.  (I’m just curious how many of you I will see there 😉 )

The one reason that you HAVE to go shopping the day after a long vacation:

1. FOOD – you get way grouchier without it! 

Advertisements

4 Comments

Filed under Children, Humor, Parenting

4 responses to “The Top Ten Reasons Why You Should NEVER Go Shopping The Day After A Long Vacation (With All Your Kids)

  1. I will be waiting in the looney bin for you! I feel as though you were writing a day in the life of me! At least you can laugh about it!

    Samantha

  2. What a headache!!! I’m glad you made it home with all of your children (Wal-mart lets you return anything, ya know) 😉

  3. Oh my dear, that sounds just like our shoppinbg trips!! You would certainly see me at the looney bin waiting for you :).

  4. This is what it’s like AFTER a vacation for you? You’re describing EVERY trip to the grocer store when I take all 3 of my kids. I can’t imagine having more.

    We have a spot saved for you here at the looney bin. 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s