Tag Archives: gratitude

And time races on

It’s been 5 months today. It seems so odd that so much time has passed, and yet it feels like so little. I feel like I am slowly starting to stand on my feet again.

I didn’t realize until a month or so ago that I had settled into a slump. A very good friend noticed the road I was heading down and called me on it.

Good friends will do that.
Tell you the things you don’t want to hear.
And since they’re a good friend, and tell you with love, you don’t mind.

I knew I couldn’t afford a slump – especially a long one.
So, I started to get up and get moving more. Every day.
Not that I didn’t move around before – I do have 5 kiddos to chase around the house. But, I wasn’t getting out much at all – or doing any cardio type exercise.

So, I started walking, and when the kids went back in school I started….

well, you might laugh….

I started doing Just Dance on the Wii
because, hey, nothing cheers me up quite like dancing.
It’s fun.
And it’s actually quite a good workout. 🙂
My boys (it’s really hard to walk and try to push a 4 and 2 year-old – they’re not exactly lightweights these days – up massive hills) can do it with me.

Then Last night, I started writing again. And, while I didn’t accomplish as much as usual on a writing out night, I did something and felt good about it.

I feel good. I feel better than I did a month ago. I still need to work on eating better (I am such a meal skipper, shame on me!) and sleeping… well, we’re working on that one, but I like the direction I’m headed.

This morning has me looking back over the months.
They’ve been hard, terribly, terribly hard.
But they’ve been full of good and that is what stands out to me.
SO many blessings,
so many miracles.
We have felt Heavenly Father’s love pour down on us
and we have been hugely blessed.
He has blessed us through all of our wonderful friends, family, and even amazing people we don’t know and have never met.
We never sent out thank you cards for all the wonderful things people did for us.
There were too many.
It was too hard.
But we are so very very grateful.
We feel every prayer.
We feel the love and the support.
We feel you cheering us on and that helps us keep going when we want to quit.
Today my heart is filled with gratitude. Gratitude for all of you who have done so much.
You may never know what your prayers mean to us and how they help, but they keep us afloat.

Thank you for loving our Lizy.
Thank you for loving our family.

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Filed under Child loss, Every Day Life, Gratitude

3 Years Ago

Three years ago it was Easter today. I remember that it was a gorgeous day and I wanted so desperately to be able to enjoy the glorious day with my family, but my heart was full of hope and worry as I clung on with desperate faith.

It is hard to believe sometimes that it ever happened as I look at my son today. But sometimes it seems like we just barely got home from the hospital. Funny how time plays tricks with you.

This year Easter was on the day that Jacob was rushed to the hospital three years ago.

It was an odd sensation going to the hospital this year to volunteer on Easter Sunday. Being so close to his surgery date, being the anniversary of the day it all started, most of all it being Easter.

How can I describe how marvelous it is to not only celebrate the rising of our Saviour and Redeemer Jesus Christ, but to also celebrate the life of our son on Easter.

I know that our Saviour lives and loves us, and I know that even though we all go through hard times where we wonder how on earth can we can possibly make it through, that he understands. He is with us every step of the way and when we have no more strength to walk on our own he gathers us into his loving arms and carries us. He and our ever loving Heavenly Father want so desperately to help, comfort, and guide us. We simply need to ask.

I know I am a bit late with my Easter tribute. But Christ the Lord is indeed risen, and I as words fail to express how my heart feels, I rely on a favorite hymn:

“I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.

I marvel that he would descend from his throne devine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!
So mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet.

Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!”

And he is risen! How glorious it is!

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Filed under Religion

Today’s Life Lesson and Three Beautiful Things

First I wanted to list my three beautiful things, as it is Wednesday and I actually remembered to do it. 🙂

1. The carpet in the girls’ room is looking very beautiful, and since we have the bunk beds all torn apart we are going to paint them white (they are the metal bunk beds – single on top, double on bottom, and they are ugly black).

2. Dorothy got her cast off last Thursday – that is a very beautiful thing as we don’t have to go through the tantrum bit every time we go swimming, etc.

3. I gave a lesson to my kids on Monday evening about controling your anger (I called it Temper Your Temper), and we have been working very hard at having more love in our home. While it’s not perfect it is helping, and that is very beautiful to see. 🙂

Ok, now for Today’s Life Lesson:

I was at the grocery store today and by the time I got done finding what I needed, got checked out and everything into the car I was feeling rather tired.  Usually I’ll return my cart to one of the designated spaces, especially when I am by myself as I was today.  I figure it is just a nice thing to do. Well, today I was tired and feeling lazy and even though the cart return was only 10 – 20 feet away I decided that I was just going to leave the cart and go.  I hopped into the van and started the engine.  When I looked forward I saw a bent elderly gentleman, at least in his 80’s, shuffling towards my cart.  He had  come some distance from his car.  Feeling a tad bit guilty now, and curious, I busied myself with something in my car and observed the gentlemen. He stood by my cart a moment and then looked down the row of empty spaces (I park at the end, in the boonies, as I would rather walk than wait for an open space).  There was another empty cart a number of spaces down.  He shuffled toward that cart, took it, and then wheeled it up to my cart (at this point I was pulling away, and yes I feel rather ashamed that I didn’t stop to help the man), picked up that cart and proceeded to walk towards the return, or maybe even the store. 

I thought about that as I left. I felt guilty I hadn’t helped him, but more guilty that he had been thoughtful and considerate while I had been selfish. I’m not saying that people who don’t return their carts are mean, bad people, but it does make the store employee’s job easier. And who doesn’t appreciate having their load lightened.  I felt like I had been shown a dent in my character, and I hope that I can pound out that dent and make it smooth.  Not just by returning carts (which I probably will do without fail now), but by being more considerate and kind in general.

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Filed under Philosophy

Gifts

A breeze gently rustles the too long blades of grass, as ripples in a pond, and the daffodils bob their heads in agreement that spring has finally come. The poplars are not yet filled with leaves but I can see the tiny green buds of life forming on the snowball tree, and the yellow chain tree is beginning to awake. It is a beautiful day, I sit here on our deck enjoying the warm spring sunshine; the aroma of spring enfolds me. The intoxicating perfume of hundreds of daffodils mingle with the fresh scent of mud and last night’s rain. The tang of fresh cut grass is in the air as a neighborhood lawnmower adds to the ambiance. The birds lend their music flitting from place to place scavengering for twigs and yarn to build their nests and fashion a comfortable home. I sit and enjoy a symphony of nature wishing that modern sounds could fade away or that I could be transported this minute to the top of a mountain surrounded by wildflowers and nothing but the birds for company. I know I would miss the sounds of the children though. I can hear them calling to each other playing at games of tag and Robin Hood. Giggles and peals of delighted laughter fuse with the birds’ song and one believes they could almost be talking with each other.

I love the daffodils in my father’s yard. I never knew there to be so many varieties, brilliant yellow, pale yellow with bright yellow centers, white, white with orange centers, yellow with orange centers, miniatures, grandiose, and my favorite. They look like a lion’s mane, the petals twisted and ruffled in a wild untamed style. They seem to defy what a proper daffodil should be. Perhaps this is why I like them so; I should laugh should anyone ever attempt to classify me as “proper,” wacky maybe, but never “proper”.

There is something invigorating about the spring. Maybe the renewal of life instills a sense of promise and renewal in our own lives. I think I shall just sit and enjoy it a while. After all, we hardly take time to “stop and smell the roses” any more. Today will be my day to enjoy what God has given me.

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Filed under Philosophy, Religion, Writing

Thanksgiving

We have a lot to give thanks for this year. We do every year, but even more so this year. When Jacob was in the hospital we noticed signs on the walls for a homemade Easter dinner put on by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We didn’t know then that Jacob would be in surgery that day, we thought we would bring up the entire family and eat together, but as is the way with things, the plan changed. We enjoyed the dinner with Paul’s parents as we awaited word on Jacob’s surgery and progress. Having that support was huge. I don’t think they realized what a huge service they did. Since then we have talked with the Sister (Sandi) that headed up the dinner and found out that she organizes a dinner for each of the three major holidays, Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

So this morning we boxed up cookies and goodies, bundled up our 4 children and went up to the hospital. It was tough at first, greeted with a flood of memories of doubt and worry, but we were soon wrapped up in the love of service. Jacob got to meet Sandi for the first time, and we even saw one of our ICU nurses and one of our respitory nurses too. It was an amazing thing being able to be there and offering a service that meant so much to us. A perfect Thanksgiving, offering thanks for the miracle of our son by serving others. I don’t write this to say hey look at me, I just want to express the grattitude in my heart. I have always had a lot to be thankful for, but this year is different, and gathering with my little family is a lot more meaningful. I love Thanksgiving, a time to be grateful, to love and to serve, to spend with family, and to joy in each other.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!

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Filed under Family, Heart, Jacob, Religion