Tag Archives: plunger

The Continuing Adventures of the Plunger Avenger

About four years ago (wow, that was a long time) I wrote this post about one of my many superhero identities.  This is a post of the continuing adventures of the Plunger Avenger as she branches out from the toilet to the general vicinity of the bathroom.

When the toilet is in crisis who comes to the rescue? THE PLUNGER AVENGER! She is fierce, she is fearless, she can wield a plunger like no other. She can take down ninjas with one swift suction to the face.

Someone flush multiple toothbrushes down the toilet? Call the Plunger Avenger!

Hair bands, elastics, scrunchies? Call the Plunger Avenger!

Perhaps you snuck some forbidden treats from the cupboard and wish to hide the evidence. Did the thick plastic wrappers get stuck part way? Have no fear, call the Plunger Avenger, and for a fee (namely chocolate) you might be able to buy her silence.

Ever tried flushing a pair of child’s sunglasses down the toilet that have lost their lenses? That one is a bit trickier and will often take the Plunger Avenger’s sidekick to defeat – the Snake is a good one, or sometimes it calls for the Wrench Master (for toilet removal).

The Plunger Avenger is on call twenty-four hours, seven days a week and has just one request: KEEP THE BATHROOM DOOR CLOSED!!!  The toilet has many dastardly capabilities, it can hide unwanted broccoli (my kids haven’t done this to my knowledge, nor did I, but I am sure someone somewhere has), send fish and squirrels to a watery grave, or steal your most prized possessions.  Avert this and all other tragedies and CLOSE THE DOOR!!

As the Plunger Avenger I would like to share this disastrous foray into the bathroom that had nothing to do with the toilet today and would have been avoided altogether if THE DOOR HAD BEEN CLOSED.

It started with an open door, beckoning the two-year-old to the mysteries of the bathroom and beyond. A vortex that sucks toddlers, squirrels, and other curious creatures in and spits them out only after they have undergone hideous transformations.

James was such a victim. The Plunger Avenger did not become aware of the situation until it was too late and the little tyke staggered out, screams tearing from his young little lungs, his eyes squinched shut as great gobs of goo oozed down the side of his face.  He staggered toward her, a strange sort of alien being, slimy and smelling of coconut, his arms outstretched with pitiful wails of “owie!”

The Plunger Avenger knew right away he was a victim of the evil villain Sham Poo, which the older girls keep locked away tight in a bottle lest he escapes and attacks the younger children. He’s quite dangerous and, as is prone to do, went right for the young boy’s head and eyes, depositing gobs and gobs of his viscuous goo all over his head. It slumped over his left eye and trailed down his cheek. The boy’s attempts to wipe it way, only made it foam and rubbed it in.

The Plunger Avenger had to act fast to defeat Sham Poo. The worst was already done, but she knew she had to wash away his gooey slime. She sent her PAT (Plunger Avenger in Training) to trap Sham Poo back in his bottle and CLOSE THE BATHROOM DOOR, while she snatched the little screaming James into her arms and dashed at super sonic speed into her bathroom with the removable shower head.

The boy’s eyes were shut tight, and his cries began to ease and he thought perhaps he could open his eyes, but to no avail, the goo was still there and great cries of  “owie!” permeated the premesis.  He tried this a few times until he decided it was better to keep them closed for good.

The PA turned the shower on and began to rinse the goo away. It was thick and coated the boy’s head, face and shirt. She rinsed for well over five minutes, leaving the boy gasping as she sprayed water time and time again in his face. Finally he was stripped down and completely clean, if still smelling of the evil Sham Poo’s coconut scent. She rinsed his eyes for nigh on fifteen minutes before leaving the screaming little soul to peace.

After much consolation and coaxing the little boy opened his red little eyes to a world of wonder. The Sham Poo’s goo had left its mark and would sting for quite some time, but he had the Plunger Avenger to cling to for comfort solace.

As a reminder to all who dare tresspass into the deadly vortex that is the bathroom, just SHUT THE DOOR and let the  evil within alone.

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Filed under Children, Every Day Life, Humor, James

Plunger Avenger

ABQ mom and I were IMing yesterday about our bathroom ventures and decided that we would storm the blogging community with our toilet stories, you know, flush them out, per say. ABQ wrote about her toilet story yesterday, so today it is my turn, an expose of the sordid doings of our household toilet.

I was hoping I could blame all of our toilet woes on my parent’s house, where we currently live while they are out serving missions and gallivanting across the country side, saying that a curse was laid upon the house when the squirrel died in the toilet. But to no avail, I am afraid our toilet woes start long before we ever got to this house. In fact, I think we can blame it on genetics. Yup ladies and gentlemen, our children were born of a toilet drinker. Oh? What’s that you say? Me? How could you think such a thing! I was much too much a little lady to ever consider drinking from the toilet. You raise your eyebrows? Ok, maybe the little lady part was a little too much. Truth be told, it never crossed my mind to refresh myself of the cool clear water in the porcelain throne, though I might have tried to sail a boat across the stormy sea once, not really sure. No, it was my darling husband who was the toilet drinker of the family. (I wonder if he’ll read this one . . . hee hee hee)

I have come to the conclusion that the drinking of toilet water alters ones genes in such away that they are passed on to the children who inherit this toilet savviness. Let’s just say that I have become an expert with the plunger. If I were to ever attend a jousting tournament I would use the plunger as my weapon choice. Those things can do serious damage I hear, suck your face right off! If I were Little John I would not need a yew cudgeling, not with my trusty plunger! All the pirates upon the stormy seas would fear the “Plunging Pirate!” and the ninjas would . . (ok, going a little too far here?) You get the point. I put plumbers out of business with my plunger saviness. heh.

The girls have mainly been toilet paper stuffers. Each one of them has tried to see just how much toilet paper fits into a toilet bowl and how many flushes they need to get rid of it. It is quite the scientific experiment, and a great lesson in math and physics I am sure. Though one daughter (and I bet you know who) has tried the experiment multiple times, she likes to test her theory before coming to any outstanding conclusions.

She once tried the theory of gravity and flush ability with her toothbrush, and watched in dismay as it settled beneath the water surface, just out of sight. Worried that mommy would be mad that she dropped her toothbrush in the toilet she decided to flush it. This was the one time my plunging failed me. Though we did manage to make the toilet last a little longer by plunging toilet paper past the toothbrush blockage, we finally had to buy a new toilet. Which was good, because upon removal we found that the girls had been trying to flush the toilet paper tubes down the toilet as well! Hopefully, we can avoid anymore such gravity experiments.

Elizabeth however decided to stand on the edge of the toilet in order to wash her hands. Did she close the lid before doing so? Of course not! She was rather dismayed when she proved the theory that Moms might just know what they are talking about when her foot slipped and she plunged into the toilet. I have found that human plungers do not work as well as the conventional kind.

Now, Jacob, he is the one however that has caught Paul’s gene to the strongest degree. I think a father to son combination is the most potent passage of the toilet gene. Should the bathroom door be left open and the toilet lid be left up (heaven forbid!) you will surely find Jacob perusing the mysteries of the said porcelain throne, trying to discover the treasure that it beholds. I have found him happily splashing, amazed at the arc of the droplets flying through the air. His finest occasion to the date was his resourcefulness at brushing his teeth. He could not reach the sink, way to short for that, but he could dip his toothbrush into the toilet bowl! Now, those are some impressive problem solving skills there people. I’m pretty sure that I caught the toothbrush before it ever entered his mouth, but one can never be to sure.

So if you see a strange woman walking down the street wielding a plunger, you can be assured that it is I masquerading as my other secret identity, “The Plunger Avenger.”

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Filed under Children, Dot, Goofs, Humor, Jacob, Lizy, Parenting