Tag Archives: positivity

I’m Still Here, Just Plugging Along

I’ve noticed lately that time is a strange creature. I really didn’t notice so much of it was racing by as my poor little blog sat neglected. In some ways it feels like the months have stretched on endlessly, and in many other ways it feels like I blinked and somehow managed to get almost half-way through August. Some days feel endless and some weeks I can hardly grasp onto they rush past so fast.

Emotions get strange and jumbled up. Jacob had a cardiology appointment scheduled for the 7th of August. At first I thought I could do it, no problem, be tough. The closer the day got the harder the idea became of being at that hospital on that day. They were really sweet about rescheduling that morning, and I stayed far away from the hospital that day. But, I did visit Lizy.

School is starting soon. A week and a half to go. In someways I’m looking forward to it – being back on a schedule will be nice. In other ways I’m dreading it. It’s been so easy to keep busy this summer – all the kids home, lots of distraction. But soon I’ll be down to just too little boys. We’ll have to create lots of distractions and adventures together.

With school comes my favorite season. The leaves will turn, the temperatures will cool. And the holidays will hit. I’m nervous, dreading it. Wondering how on earth I’ll make it through the rest of the year without her. I know it’s going to be SO hard and I pray a lot for strength to make it through. As much as I would love to skip glibly past the rest of the year we’ll need it more than ever, especially for our amazing kids still with us. I just hope I can make it through.

This summer has been full of happy and sad, but I think more happy. The heart clenching hard moments are still there, but there have been many wonderful moments. Some days it’s hard to remain positive, and I found myself redoubling my efforts many times.

A few people have asked me how I do it.

Sometimes I don’t know.

I pray. I have hope and faith in Christ and I believe that families truly can be together forever. I cry when I have to. Or vent. venting helps a lot. And I allow myself to smile and be happy – sometimes it’s forced – fake it till you make it. Sometimes I have to give myself permission to laugh, or remind myself to. And, I find joy in the miracles that surround me. Even though I miss her terribly I have five beautiful amazing children and an incredible, loving husband. We have been blessed bounteously and I remind myself every day to look at all the beautiful things I have and that are all around me. From them I garner strength to keep going. And I know Lizy is waiting for me, I can’t let her, or anyone else in my family down.

And of course, all you amazing friends and family out there keep me bouyed up by all your prayers. We are so grateful for all the support we have received. So many have done so much and I don’t know if they’ll ever know how much they have touched our lives, but I hope some day they do.

I’ll try to be more consistent in writing. I’ve missed it, but it’s been hard to write lately, and I think this was a needed break. Hopefully soon I’ll get back to my Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule – maybe, though, for now, I’ll aim for at least once a week and see where it gets me. 😉

8 Comments

Filed under Child loss, Every Day Life, Heart, Parenting

Thoughts

To those who commented before I removed my last post: Thank you. Things are far from resolved – and I still have no clue, but things will work out – they always do. 🙂 There are many times I think as a mom we feel at our wits ends and that there can’t possibly be any solution in sight – but the key, as a dear friend reminded me, is patience. (Unfortunately patience is often found by having it tried, heh 🙂 ) I also remind myself to sing a little song that has become rather prevalent in our household as we help each other maintain a more positive attitude in general… “Always look on the bright side of life – dee do dee do dee do dee do dee do…” Anyway a good vent, a small burst of tears, and few prayers have great cleansing effect and give us a fresh start to tackle the troubles in life.

***
On an interesting note – back in March around Jacob’s 3rd birthday we took a trip to the zoo – in which we got rained on – A LOT – but it was fun anyway. We originally had not planned on going to the zoo. A trip to OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry) had been planned. We looked high and low for our pass before we left – EVERYWHERE. No matter where we looked or what we did we could not find our pass. We prayed and searched some more – still nothing. In the processes I grabbed our zoo passes which had just recently arrived in the mail. Then we had the odd feeling that for some reason – who knows why – we should not go to OMSI. It was raining and we held the zoo pass in our hands. We had promised the kids an outing, and it wasn’t going to be OMSI. So, off to the zoo we went.

Today my husband called. “How many times did you and I empty my wallet on that day when we went to the zoo rather than OMSI?”

“At least 4 times, if not more,” I replied. “Why?”

“I found our pass to OMSI – it was in the front pocket.”

Apparantly the pass had stuck to the dental insurance card.

Unfortunate? Maybe, we did get rather wet. I believe things often happen for reasons, and sometimes we never know what the reason may be, but I do know that once again, Paul and I felt that we weren’t supposed to go to OMSI that day.

But, we are very glad that the pass has come out of hiding. 🙂

***
One last thought – where exactly do all the socks go after the laundry is done???

4 Comments

Filed under Miracles, Philosophy, Religion