Tag Archives: silly songs

The Realistic Mommy Blog

So far in the New Year…. (to be read with much humor – this is not a whiny post, I promise)

Dog ran off and taken by the pound
Crock pot broke
Car battery died
Watches broke
Glasses broke
Picture broke
Poor cat carted around in a pillow case
Cat food dumped everywhere
Snow day after snow day after snow day after snow day after… (is
the month of January included in winter vacations out here?)
Regular sugar spilled
Power breakers shut off
Laundry soap spilled (while being played in with match box cars)
Heater turned off
Refrigerator and Freezer shut off
5 lbs of powder sugar dumped ALL over my kitchen and spread through
the entire main floor of my house
The other car battery died
Husband working late more nights than I can count
World wars 3,4,5,and 6 have all started and ended in our house –
actually some of them are ongoing
Temper tantrums galore
Sleds shattered
Dog destroyed the cover to the grill (why did we pay to get him back?)
Poo spots, pee spots (ah the joy of potty training)
Food on the floor, on the walls, and yes, even on the ceiling
Upstairs Bathroom flooded (we were catching water below in the garage)

and

to top it off

NO INTERNET OR PHONE (our phone is through our internet) FOR OVER 5 DAYS!!! And when they did fix it it’s been either stinkin’ slow or disconnects every few minutes.

I wonder if I read this post backwards if it will all come back or fix itself. In the meantime, enjoy this wonderful new theme song I have come up with for my boys…

Just two good old boys, never meanin’ no harm….
Beats all you never saw, been in trouble with their ma
Since the day they was born.

Straightenin’ the curves, flattenin’ the hills….
Someday the mountain might get ’em but their ma never will.

Makin’ their way, the only way they know how…
That’s just a little bit more than their ma will allow.

Just two good ol’ boys, wouldn’t change if they could,
Fightin’ the system like a two-year-old Robin Hood…

*inspired by a wonderful article about mormon mommy bloggers and their shiny picture perfect lives oh, and of course the ever so fabulous Dukes of Hazzard

6 Comments

Filed under Every Day Life, Family, Humor, Jacob, James, Music

Ring of Fire

brought to you by Sir Reginald, the mouse.

Dear Sir and Madame,
I hearby issue an ultimatum. You are to cease and desist your attempts of dooming me to a death by conflagration immediately. You invade my home, land, and wood, provide me a comfortable dry place to live, and yet set it on fire multiple times. I understand you need to eat, but surely you have places indoors to cook your food and don’t need to use the thing you call a grill. Don’t try blaming me for living in your steel deathtrap either, you have given me little choice.

I hear your mocks of laughter, what can a wee little mouse do to us when we can simply light his furry little hide on fire. Well, I shall tell you, I will not go down without a fight and I shall take everything I can down with me.

Should you attempt to evict me from my home once more one of the following will happen.

1. I, burning tail and all, shall flee under your fancy giant’s home and set it all on fire.
2. Though I may perish by fire I shall linger on your metal wires contaminating your food so that you may all die a slow agonizing death.
3. My ancestors shall haunt your home all the days of your lives, your children’s lives and the you grandchildren’s lives. No matter where you go you cannot hide. There is no place we can’t infiltrate.

I fear not death by fire, for I know I will be avenged.

THIS IS WAR.

Respectfully,
Sir Reginald, The Mouse

(After finding and reading the above letter ensconced in our grill on our back patio we heard the following faint mocking strains. The words were slightly altered, so I have posted the lyrics we heard. Please press play on the following and then scroll down and sing along.)

In this pit I’m king
And rule this Fiery Ring
It is my Wild Desire
To die by martyr’s Fire

I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The Ring Of Fire
The Ring Of Fire

I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The Ring Of Fire
The Ring Of Fire

The Taste Of revenge Is Sweet
I’ll flavor all your Meat
I’ll scamper to your house
And you will curse this mouse.

I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The Ring Of Fire
The Ring Of Fire

I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The Ring Of Fire
The Ring Of Fire

And It Burns, Burns, Burns

The Ring Of Fire

The Ring Of Fire

*Many thanks to my HHH (Handsome Huggable Hubby) for collaborating with me on the lyrics.

** Dedicated to Lindsay and her inspiring post.

4 Comments

Filed under Humor, Music, Writing

Hairy Tales

If you hair is down to your ankle
and your eyebrows can’t be found.
If your curls and locks really rankle
and bad hair days are common ground….

Have we got a do for you!

Hairy tales, hairy tales,
Hairy tales, Hairy tales…..

Just kidding! We don’t really want to torture you with ALL the strange renditions of Veggie Tales that we come up with. So, no more torture, here is the post:

Paul has been promising Jacob and James haircuts for a while. (Poor guy is swamped with work, school, church, family) The other day Jacob came running into our bedroom just after Paul had left for work.

“Dad! Dad?”

I though the distressed call was because he had forgotten that dad gave him kisses while he was still climbing out of bed. “Daddy left already. He gave you kisses, remember?”

“But he needs to give me a haircut.”

I smiled and tousled his hair which was beginning to curl and poke out in little wings above his ears. “He will when he has time, son.”

“But mom,” his tone was now exasperated and he reached up to tug on his hair, “I’m starting to look like Emily!”

4 Comments

Filed under Children, Humor, Jacob, Music, Things Kids Say

Veggie Wars

For days on end, possibly even weeks my husband and I have had the theme song to Veggie Tales stuck in our heads – to the extant that we have both memorized the entire song. We can’t seem to go anywhere without spontaneously breaking into song. On the rare moment I might acutally be thinking of something else one of the children inevitably starts singing the catchy little tune.

It’s hummable, it’s singable, it’s cute and quirky and about fun-loving vegetables, but after the four thousandth, five hundreth, and seventy third time something has got to be done.

And do it we did.

We re-wrote it.

This is the parent’s version. The version where all parent’s relate because we know what would really happen if we turned our children loose (especially the boys) in the produce aisle.

I give you:

Veggie Wars

If you like to squash ripe tomatoes
And can throw them half a mile
If green beans can become fiery missiles
Launched at people in the produce aisle.

Then have we got a show for you.

Veggie wars, veggie wars,
Veggie wars, veggie wars
Veggie wars, veggie wars,
Veggie wars – veggie wars.

Potato Bombs
Thrown at moms
Give no qualms
Veggie wars

Bazooka beans
In camo greens
Go unseen
Veggie wars

Cauliflower
With Ninja power
Makes you cower
Veggie wars

There’s never ever ever ever ever
Been a war like veggie wars
There’s never ever ever ever ever
Been a war like veggie wars

It’s time for veggie Wa-a-a-a-a-rs!

(please feel free to sing, and if you aren’t sure of the tune, click on the link above – it will take you to the real theme song so you can practice 😉 )

5 Comments

Filed under Every Day Life, Humor, Music, Writing

Bring Back My Lap-top To Me…

My lap-top’s somewhere in Wisconnsin,
Or maybe it’s in Tennesee,
Whereever it is, I do need it,
Oh, bring back my lap-top to me.

(Everyone now)

Bring back, bring back
Oh, bring back my lap-top to me, to me!
Bring back, bring back,
Oh, bring back my lap-top to me.

I really need my lap-top back. I’m dead in the water without it. It is next to impossible to get any writing done. If I step in to HHH’s office to use the computer then Jacob wrecks havoc in his office. If I close the door then… well, can you imagine closing the door and letting an almost 2 year old have free reign of the house? Exactly, I want to have my house still standing when I am done blogging. Paul is back in school, so when he is home in the evening and the kids are in bed, he is working on the computer (some crazy idea about getting his homework done, can you believe it? Sheesh! heh ). 🙂 The only other time I have is during quiet time when the older kids are at school.

Really the perfect time for writing is then, but then its also the perfect time for folding laundry, cleaning the bathroom, mopping the floor, cleaning my office (hah!),… you get the idea. So, we bow our heads and morn the temporary loss of my lap-top and hope that it gets fixed and sent back… FAST. 🙂 So, if you have noticed my lack of writing, it’s not exactly that I am dealing with writer’s block. More like kid and inconvenience block. heh. 🙂

So, I would love to write more, and work on that story for Karen’s writing games, but I really need to go clean the bathroom before Jacob gets up. Ta-ta for now!

2 Comments

Filed under Blogging, Writing

Happy “Goofy” New Year!!

Yea! My fingers have happily found their way back to my blog. Things turned out to be unexpectedly busy this weekend. To help us welcome in the new year was rain, lots and lots of rain. The crawl space under the house got flooded and Paul bought a sump to pump out the water, it took close to 12 hours to get all the water out Sat. Exciting stuff.

Happy year 2006! Ahh we look forward to ye. I started the year of with a smash! I was baking pie . . . yum . . . pumpkin pie to be exact. My hubby was feeling particularly cheesy and corny and jokes were flying around about the kitchen at the speed of light. Almost like little lightning bugs bouncing off the ceiling. Most of which I shall not repeat I think I said “I’ll have to blog that!” about 20 times but by the end of the evening could hardly remember my own name. But I do remember the pie.

I was having my usual great kitchen luck. Did you know that tapioca pudding (dry, not cooked) when coated on the bottom of your feet makes for great skating? I opened the cupboard to get spices for the pie and the tapioca pudding just leapt out of that cupboard. I swear I didn’t touch it, it just attacked. I was afeard for my life I tell ya! Tapioca scattered everywhere and though Paul swept it up he didn’t sweep the bottom of my feet which quickly became coated in little tapioca beads. It was like having your feet turned into roller skates. Of course we had to break into song (it was just one of those days). If you have ever seen “Thoroughly Modern Milly” ( a spectacular musical spoof starring Julie Andrews) you shall recall the “Tap-Tap-Tapioca!” song. I tapiocaed and sung while skating and pirouetting across the kitchen floor. Well, until I just about fell on my fanny and got Paul lamented that I was scattering more tapioca across his cleanly swept floor.

After my tapioca skating, or it may have been before, I decided to juggle the eggs. Well, really it was one egg and it wanted to be FREE!!! So as I gently picked it up from the carton it quickly slipped to its freedom. But no sooner did it achieve it’s sought after goal did it meet its final end upon the cold hard floor. Paul was horrified over the poor egg’s fate and began to sing a lament to the egg. “Poor egg is dead, we hardly knew ye.” Which caused me to break into song once more:
“Poor egg is dead, the poor egg is dead. No longer will he make our pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie. It’s really such a waste. You’d better clean post haste (inserted by Paul thank you). Be careful or I’ll stick it in your eye! In your Eye!” (Please sing to “Poor Judd is Dead” from the musical Oklahoma).

Yes, I know we are incredibly dorky, but boy did we laugh. The whole evening was dissolved into laughter many times. And I thought to myself, “Self, what a wonderful beginning to a new year.” And myself answered back, “Yes self, I agree. May this year be filled with lots of giggles . . . and moos. (Paul was mooing over our roast beef at dinner tonight)”

So at the beginng of this new year, I bid farewell to the old and hope that this year is much less exciting and filled with lots and lots of laughs! 🙂 (Tap-tap-tapioca, flap-flap-flapioca . . . . . . )

10 Comments

Filed under Goofs, Humor, Love and Marriage, Music