Category Archives: Humor

National Poetry Month – Days 28 & 29

We’re almost to the end folks!

Day 28

Cinquain pattern 3 – you can read about it here It’s a fun short little poem that I’ve come to enjoy over the years.


by Julia Wagner

Continued, Arduous
Halting, correcting, developing
Beauty accomplished

Day 29

Bio Poem – there are lots of different formats & styles of Bio & About me poems – frankly I dislike them ALL – I just don’t really care to write about myself – writing in my journal is one thing, but poetry? Poetry about myself just makes me cringe. No reasonable explanation why. However, I believe in accepting every challenge put before me when I commit to doing something (unless it goes against my standards and what I believe in of course), so I did what I often do when I am in uncomfortable situations, asked to do hard things, or just plain doing something I don’t care to do – I crack jokes, try to find a way to make it fun, or laugh my way through.
So here is my SILLY bio poem (you can read about the details for this particular Bio Poem form HERE)


by Julia Wagner

Goofy, spoofy, and poofy
Enjoys dancin’ and shakin’ her booty
Able to make a smoothie that’s frutie
Feels like she’s having a hootie
Wonders how she bagged such a cutie
Fears she may fail her duty
Cares that her family’s not snooty
Dreams of mountains, and meadows, and beauty.

*PLEASE REMEMBER ~ any poetry found on this blog, written by me, is my personal property and may not be used without my permission, other than sharing it as an example in a lesson or to read it to someone.

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Filed under Humor, Music, Poetry, Writing

National Poetry Month Day 27!!

And on the 27th no less!! I know –


Okay, today is Terse Verse – basically 2 line riddles with rhyming answers – so addictive and fun to write!! I made up a ton some worked and were pretty funny (they will be posted) others were quite lame (they didn’t even make it into my notebook, lol) For the reules of Terse Verse go HERE.

*A note before we begin: Please, even though these are “jokes” or “riddles”, they are still my creation – if you wish to share them, please keep my name attached. Thanks in advance!!

PSA: I am a mom to 3 boys, keep that in mind as you read these poems (ahem)

Terse Verse Poems

by Julia Wagner

What do you call a hyper primate?
Spunky Monkey

What is a large serving of beans?
Farter Starter

What do you call a dirty diaper (especially in Britain)?
Crappy Nappy

What is another name for your nostril?
Snot Slot

And One Terse Verse poem

by Paul Wagner (the amazing husband)
What do you call a matchmaker?
Twitterpater Instigator

*PLEASE REMEMBER ~ any poetry found on this blog, written by me, is my personal property and may not be used without my permission, other than sharing it as an example in a lesson or to read it to someone.

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Filed under Children, Humor, Poetry, Writing

National Poetry Month days 23, 24, 25, 26 & yes! 21

Whew! I’ve been busy today! several of the more recent poem forms have been a bit more serious for me – but there’s some that should make you giggle too! Let’s get to it:

Day #21

One of the last poems I wrote today (out of avoidance, heh). A free verse (learn more about it HERE) – which sounds easy to most, but for me they are often harder with now hugely specific rules to follow, the wide open world at your feet (eek!) and add to that Easter as a possible topic with all the emotional ties it has to our family. I was so tempted to dodge or just post an old one, but I made a promise to myself that this year I would actually write 30 new poems in April. I pushed on and came up with something. It is nothing s great or grand, but it comes from my soul.

Three Words

by Julia Wagner

Three words simple, plain,
Yet in them lies all the
Hope of mankind.

Three words sweetly tender,
Showing the unconditional
Love of God and our Savior.

Three words of
triumphant glory,
a promise divine.

Three words,
Heart soaring,
Tear coursing,
Carrying the yearning desire
Of every person ever touched by sorrow.

Joyous refrain
Shout it again
And again
He is Risen!
He is Risen!
He is Risen!

Day 23

The Tetractys Poem – a fun form – full of counted syllables. I did a double. You can learn more about the form & it’s rules HERE.


by Julia Wagner

open beneath
stormy torrents. Scurry, quick, to cover.

Thunder shakes, lightning flicks, wind whips. Clouds roll
past. Sun peaks. Close

Day 24

The Diatelle poem – another completely new one to me – and quite the challenge. But I had a bit of fun with it! It’s full of syllable counting and rhyming patterns, so you can read the details HERE.


by Julia Wagner

Did spy
Apple pie
Upon the sill
Away from watchful eye.
With careful step and silent thrill,
He pinched sweet temptation with expert skill.
Hastening on tip-toe, he escaped with his treat.
A bleat made him jump, the pie took a spill.
Demise of his prize made him ill
And with agonized cry
Watched the goat fill
Tummy high
With pie.

Day 25

Credo Poem – a form taken from a scene in a movie – you can read all about it HERE. Just like the name of the form suggests, it’s about what we believe.

Beauty from Ashes

by Julia Wagner

I believe in the tender mercies of the Lord,
the hope of His promises fulfilled,
the balm He sends to heal our tattered souls,
the peace He gives when all feels lost,
the miracles that ease life’s daily pains,
solace, comfort, love

But I don’t believe we will receive them unless we open our hearts and souls to Him

I believe in healing
I believe in forgiveness
I believe in the Love of our Savior
Forever, always, eternal
And I believe in smiles through tears, hope through heartache and that our trials can be made beautiful and we can find joy again and again.

Day 26

Finally! All caught up! Today’s form is a cute, fun little thing called a synonym poem (or antonym, but I did mine as synonyms) Stephanie outlines the details HERE. By the time I got to these, I had gotten serious and emotional and was ready to have a bit of silly fun, so I had popped out three quick little ditties:


by Julia Wagner

Mirth, chuckle, giggle, glee
My dad is tickling me!


by Julia Wagner

Singed, charred, scorched, seared
When you’re cooking, watch that beard!!


by Julia Wagner

Gasp, wheeze, gesundheit, ACHOOOO!!!
I’m sorry, did it get on you?

*PLEASE REMEMBER ~ any poetry found on this blog, written by me, is my personal property and may not be used without my permission, other than sharing it as an example in a lesson or to read it to someone.

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Filed under Humor, Poetry, Religion

National Month of Poetry Day 18

Today is National Poem-in-your-pocket Day! You can read about it at Stephanie’s blog or go to  Just like I have a hard time choosing favorite books, I have a hard time choosing favorite poems, but I did decide to share some of my own.

These first two poems are more serious (not my kid or silly poems, in other words).
The first poem was the first Villanelle I ever wrote – a challenging form and quite fun. I like playing around with the repetition and varying the punctuation to bring different meaning and lessen the constant repetitive feel. I shared it back in 2006, but thought it’d be fun to do so again.

Solar Flare

by Julia Wagner

Fists pound the empty air;
Defeat entwines with chords that bind.
Silent hours of repair

Do not exist where
Exasperation and distress find
Fists. Pound the empty air!

Anger licks a solar flare.
Sparks erupt when spirits declined
Silent hours of repair.

Petulance ebbs to despair,
And upon the weight in one’s mind
Fists pound. The empty air

Falls heavy. Hearts are aware
As souls are chastened and aligned.
Silent hours of repair

Ameliorate through ardent prayer.
Chasms bridged; no more do blind
Fists pound; the empty air
Silent. Hours of repair.

Next is a free-verse – not sure if I used that term correctly, but no specific rhythm or rhyme pattern that I wrote years ago. I’d forgotten about it until I started scouring my poems trying to decide what should go in my pocket today.


by Julia Wagner

How does one describe
emotions of the heart?
Words, insipid, fail to capture
the ardor with which I love.

Nor can it be painted with
the finest brush in hand.
Colors dull with time,
so opposite my passion.

What resemblance to
nature could I possibly compose?
The most majestic mountain or
delicate rose sallow in comparison.

As time erodes the most formidable citadel,
devotion, secured in the
fortress of my heart,
will crescendo through eternity.

And now, because I especially love kids’/light hearted silly poems, I have to include a couple:

A Wee Little Fella

by Julia Wagner

If I were a wee little fella,
I’d live in a red-capped
mushroom house;
I’d harness the snails and go
for a ride,
tipping my cap to the white-
knight mouse.

I’d drink the dew from blue-
bell cups and dine on daisy plates,
And glide across the ice puddles
on a pair of grapevine skates.


by Julia Wagner

I cannot write a poem today
I promised I’d help Fannie Mae
I’m her back up wedding singer
You see she sprained her pinky finger
Then I need to dye my hair
and find pink polk-a-dot underwear.
I need to practice my ninja skills
And pay grandpa Joe’s ballroom bills.
I have an appointment at ten
to decide ownership of a pygmie hen.
I need to pickle some pigs feet
and tame a wild parakeet.
I promised old man farmer Zirkle
I’d investigate his crop circle.
I also need to catch a tree frog
I spotted hopping through a bog.
And so you see, I’m sad to say,
I just can’t write a poem today.

Thanks for reading and poke a poem in your pocket to share today!!

*PLEASE REMEMBER ~ any poetry found on this blog, written by me, is my personal property and may not be used without my permission, other than sharing it as an example in a lesson or to read it to someone.

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National Month of Poetry Days 13-17

Wow! What a weekend! Things have been just hopping around here! So, I don’t think I mentioned earlier that my daughter, Dot, has chosen to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She has been called to serve in the Mexico Mexico City South Mission – we are so excited for her and preparations have been fun, busy and a little crazy wild at times! (Like an unexpected jaunt up to Detroit… 4+ hours away)

This Saturday she went to the temple and it was absolutely wonderful in every way. Consequently, that filled our day and we had grandparents visiting from Utah which filled subsequent days and I got behind on my poems. So here are the past several days worth of poems (with links to the how to!)

A lot of these are just silly kids’ poems, but they tend to be my favorite kind!

Day 13

we did Triplets– you can read about them HERE This poem was inspired by my daughter, Dot (her middle name is not Rose), who really did get a rock stuck up her nose – but she stuck it there herself (and not with her toes). She was probably about 4 or 5 and we were in the Wendy’s drive through when she started hollering about a rock in her nose. I hopped out and opened the side door, pushed on the empty nostril and told her to blow & out it popped! lol

Woes of the Nose

by Julia Wagner

Jimmy, how do you suppose
Sweet little Dorothy Rose
Got a rock stuck in her nose?

It wasn’t me! I oppose!
I was washing my elbows.
I bet she picked it with her toes.

Day 14

we did Couplets– you can read about them HERE. I did two….

Turtle Troubles

by Julia Wagner

I wonder how my turtle
wound up in Grandma’s girdle?

After the Rain

by Julia Wagner

After Spring’s clouds and showers
Earth dons her robe of flowers.

Day 15

we learned about the Tyburn. You can read about it HERE. This was totally new to me and a really fun challenge!


by Julia Wagner

Classy cruiser, funky spunky sped,
Now it sputters, junky, clunky, dead.

Day 16

we did a Windspark poem – a kind of fill in the blank poem. You can read about it HERE. I did this one right after writing the previous poems, so I still had rhyming in my brain, so this silly little ditty popped out:

A Frog’s Life

by Julia Wagner

I dreamed
I was a frog
Nestled in a bog
Hopping from log to log

Day 17

Today!!! We did Haiku– specifically a poiku, which you can read about HERE. I just did traditional haiku because my poetry brain was starting to die


by Julia Wagner

Month of weeping clouds
bleeding hearts, forget-me-nots
hope grows with flowers

*PLEASE REMEMBER ~ any poetry found on this blog, written by me, is my personal property and may not be used without my permission, other than sharing it as an example in a lesson or to read it to someone.

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Filed under Children, Humor, Nature, Poetry

30 Days of Poetry day 12

Today’s poem form is a Nonet – a 9-lined poem you can learn about over at Stephanie’s blog – they’re quite fun, you should give it a try!!  Here’s my “experiment” – lol

In the Name of Science

by Julia Wagner

“What happened to my science project?
One more week and it would have glowed!
And where’s my bacteria
culture? I could have cured
the cough and cold.”
Shaking my head,
I sigh. “I
cleaned the

And here’s an older favorite – Though I enjoy writing various types of poems from the silly to the serious, my favorite are silly kid poems.

My Evil Twin

by Julia Wagner

It wasn’t me, it couldn’t have been
It must have been my evil twin
She looks like me, wouldn’t you know
but the things she does fill me with woe!

For I would never drink milk from the jug
with a chug-chug-chug-a-lug
And I would never bounce my ball
and knock down pictures in the hall.

I wouldn’t snitch a cookie from the jar
or hide mom’s keys to the car
I would never pinch my sister
I don’t know where she got that blister.

I wouldn’t feed my veggies to the dog
or water plants with your eggnog.
I would never dye the cat
though blue fur looks cool like that.

My brother’s finger is not a carrot
that bite mark must have been a parrot.
“Where’s the parrot,” you ask me?
Catch my evil twin, you’ll see.

I really couldn’t tell you why
My brother ate that mud pie.
And I don’t think we’ll ever know
what happened to the cookie dough.

I wish I could help, I really do
But I really haven’t got a clue.
It wasn’t me. It couldn’t have been.
It must have been my evil twin.

*PLEASE REMEMBER ~ any poetry found on this blog, written by me, is my personal property and may not be used without my permission, other than sharing it as an example in a lesson or to read it to someone.

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30 days of Poetry Day 11

Today’s poetry form was a quintain – a five line poem – of which there are several forms and variations. You can read about it at Stephanie’s amazing blog.

I decided to try several:

first a Gogyohka inspired by a joke I told my husband and his parents last night – oh how we laughed! I found it fit the poem for perfectly!

A Lesson to Husbands

by Julia Wagner

A good husband
is like a bra
and adjustable when needed

Next I tried my hand at a Yadu – a five-line Burmese climbing poem

Dance of Spring

by Julia Wagner

Lightning streak snaps,
thunder claps, then
rain taps my nose,
soaks my clothes. I
decide to dance – why stay dry?

And finally I did a quintilla – well, I did two and two together is apparently a Copla Real

Childhood Adventures

by Julia Wagner

Sail with me in my cardboard boat-
We’ll plunder seas beneath the trees,
fight the sinister billy goat,
and capture gold from bumble bees.
We’ll storm the castle cross the moat

To demand cookies from the queen
with “pretty-please” and “thank you, M’am”
(we don’t want her to think us mean).
We’ll escape o’er the beaver dam
then sail back home across the green.

*PLEASE REMEMBER ~ any poetry found on this blog, written by me, is my personal property and may not be used without my permission, other than sharing it as an example in a lesson or to read it to someone.

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A Poem or Two

So, April is National Poetry month and I have an awesome friend who runs a blog and challenges us all to write a poem every day – often I skip several days and then write 3-6 all at once, lol. Anyway, I rarely write poetry anymore – two times a year really, April & August/September when a different friend does a postcard poetry month.

Even though I prefer writing and working on my books, I enjoy writing poems and I feel like the process of writing poetry helps me to be a better writer. Anyway, in an effort to share more – and post more frequently on my blog, I am going to post the poems I write through out the months – who knows, maybe I’ll feel inspired to write a poem at other times of the year!

If you would like to join in this April writing a poem everyday, check out my friends blog it’s never too late to start!! – you can start at day 1 or hop in right here with day 10

I’m not going to post all the ones I’ve done so far this month, I’ll post today’s and a favorite from some time past.

So today’s poem form was a “What if…I might” form and the link right up there will tell you all about it & what you need to do!

Here’s mine:

What a Trip!

by Julia Wagner

What if my children picked up their toys?
I might walk with ease and poise.

What if the sidewalks weren’t cracked?
I could keep my knees intact.

What if I didn’t trip over air?
I wouldn’t need this wheelchair.

Don’t you wish you were graceful like me?
(Hey! Watch out for that tree!)

And an old favorite:

Fall Delights

by Julia Wagner

I picked a bright red apple
fresh from off the tree
and rubbed it on my sleeve
till it was clean and shiny.

With a crunch I sunk my teeth
through its crispy skin
and dashed away the juice
that dribbled down my chin.

My nose scrunched,
my lips quivered,
something on my
tongue shivered.

It wasn’t apple
skin or juice.
I think my face
turned chartreuse-

For dangling from my apple
was a little worm
mourning for its other half
which made my tummy squirm.

*PLEASE REMEMBER ~ any poetry found on this blog, written by me, is my personal property and may not be used without my permission, other than sharing it as an example in a lesson or to read it to someone.

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Kid’s Proverbs

I was going through files tonight on my computer, deleting nonsense or unneeded files, organizing stray files into folders, etc, when I came across this gem & boy did it give me a great laugh!

Apparently, in January of 2009 I did an activity with my girls where I gave them the first half of a proverb and let them come up with the rest. The results were rather hilarious – especially six years later. At the time, Lizy would have been 9, Dot 8, & Em 6. The first line is the given line, the second is what my kids gave me 😀 Some are wise, some are endearing, a couple are right (or pretty close), and a bunch are just plain funny! I didn’t change anything – just copy and pasted (so comments in paranthesis are what I wrote 6 years ago)

1. Don’t change horses
Until they grow up (Emily)

2. Strike while the
Bees are gone from the hive (Dorothy)

3. It’s always darkest before
The light comes up (Elizabeth)

4. Never underestimate the power of
God (Emily)

5. You can lead a horse to water but
Not to a lake with sharks in it (Dorothy)

6. Don’t bite the hand that
Is alive (Elizabeth)

7. No news is
Until morning – we only get news when it’s morning (Emily)

8. A miss is as good as a
Hit (Dorothy)

9. You can’t teach an old dog new
Tricks (Elizabeth – she didn’t know that is really the answer)

10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll
Get dirty (Emily)

11. Love all, trust
Heavenly Father (Dorothy)

12. The pen is mightier than the
Eraser or a pencil (Elziabeth)

13. An idle mind is
Blank (Emily)

14. Where there’s smoke there’s
A fire – not always though (Dorothy)

15. Happy the bride who
Marries the groom (Elizabeth)

16. A penny saved is
Saving money (Emily)

17. Two’s company, three’s
Trouble (Elizbeth)

18. Don’t put off till tomorrow what
Is rotten (Dorothy)

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
I’ll cry with you (Emily)

20. There are none so blind as
One who can’t see (Dorothy)

21. Children should be seen and not
Hid (Elizabeth)

22. If at first you don’t succeed
Try to do it again (Emily)

23. You get out of something only what you
Need (Dorothy)

24. When the blind lead the blind
You fall (Elizabeth)

25. A bird in the hand
can fly away (Emily)

26. Better late than
kicked out of school (Dorothy)

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Filed under Children, Dot, Em, Humor, Lizy, Things Kids Say

Holy Flying Chicken Chili, Batman!!!

James bounded in the door after his first day of school (he’s hit the big time – he’s in first grade!). Words bubbled out of his mouth faster than Niagra Falls over his amazing day. I grinned from ear to ear listening to him as he unpacked his backpack.

He got to his lunch and shot me a glance – the kind that hoped I would be mad – and said, “I didn’t eat all of my chicken chili.” He pulled out the blue-lidded silver thermos from his lunch bag. “I thought-” he paused to twist the lid and grunted, “I’d try to finish it now.”

“It probably isn’t any good now,” I said.

He shrugged and continued to grunt and twist at the lid. “I’ll at least open it to see.” After a few more moments of wrenching at the lid, he passed the container to me. “Can you do it?”

“Sure.” I nonchalantly gave the lid a twist, figuring anything a six-year-old had a hard time unscrewing would be a cinch for me. I twisted harder. I grabbed a towel and wrenched the lid again, hoping the towel would give me more traction. No matter what I tried the lid refused to budge. “Who screw this thing on, superman?” I asked.

James giggled. “No. I did.” He bulged his little six-year-old muscles. “I’m strong!”

“Yes, indeed you are.” I gave the lid a final attempt before staring at it in contempt. “Nothing doing, it’s not coming off today. Perhaps Dad can get it when he gets home tomorrow night.” I set it on the counter. “It probably wouldn’t have been any good to eat anyway, I’ll give you an apple.”

And with that the container was forgotten. It never occurred to me what might happen if I let white chicken chili (with BEANS) sit in an airtight container and ferment over night….

The alarm jerked me awake at 5:00 this morning and I prodded Dot into wakefulness. Running a little late (her alarm is set for 4:40), she managed to get everything done and my crazy morning began. I ran Dot to seminary, came home and made sure Em was awake. While she got ready for school, I made lunches. Then at 6:30, a little before Em was about ready to go out to catch the bus, I roused the boys and got them loaded into the van. Once Em was on her way, we sped over to the church to fetch Dot and then took her to highschool, returning home with just over an hour to get the boys ready to catch their bus.

We were half way through breakfast, when I ran upstairs for something. I heard a really loud pop and bang, and yelled something about not knocking the chairs over, while I searched my desk for the needed paper. Jacob appeared at my door gasping for breath after charging up the stairs.

“You know the white chicken chili James didn’t eat? It EXPLODED!!” He threw his hands in the air looking both delighted and panicked at the same time. “The lid made a hole in the ceiling – and it smells really bad.” This last statement came out nasally as he pinched his nose.

Feeling a bit wary (of the mess I’d have to clean up), slightly amused, and extremely curious I followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen to survey the damage.

“Holy Flying Chicken Chili, Batman!!” I exclaimed, my jaw dropping.

The smell of fermented beans and sour milk clung to the air. Bits and pieces of chili littered the counter and floor – sometimes nothing more than the bean skin was seen laying forlornly by itself, with the escaped bean smashed a short distance away. The lid had landed, broken, close to the dining room entrance. I gazed up at the ceiling.  A large clump of chili clung to the ceiling, dripping in great oozing drops, with a neat rectangular gash in it’s center from where the side of the lid had slammed into the ceiling. Had it been outside, it probably would have cleared the atmosphere. Clumps and gobs of chilie even slid morosely down the front of the fridge on the opposite side of the kitchen.

“Wow, impressive,” I managed to say before the chuckles began to hit. The boys staring at me in awed wonder – the little ones seemed rather terrified that something else might explode soon. I continued to laugh while I instructed them to fetch some supplies to start the clean up with.

I have a feeling I’ll be finding (and hopefully not smelling) bits and pieces of white chicken chili in random places for a long time to come, lol.

So, lesson of the day… if you have a thermos with chili in it that you can’t get the lid off – stow it in the fridge until the muscle arrives – unless, of course, you want the cool scientific experience. In that case, I’d stick it outside to avoid the mess (of course, with my luck it would indeed clear the atmosphere only to come back as a meteor and wipe out my house – I know, it’s impossible – but imagination is key here).

Water rockets have got nothing on me guys….  😀


(Just don’t let me near a pressure cooker…. If I can’t handle a thermos, I shudder to thing what I would do with one of those! lol)

* two updates since writing this post: 1 – when I walked back downstairs to get back to cleaning, I remembered my first thought on observing the mess the first time (after the holy flying chicken chile, Batman) – Dang! I missed it! (as in witnessing the actual event. 2- I was washing the dishes and couldn’t figure out what happened to the rest of the lid – I had only found the cap – the part that stick out and into the thermos to help create the seal was missing entirely. I finally found it… under the dining room table! lol!


Filed under Goofs, Humor