Sweet 16!

Sixteen years ago today I became a mom. I remember holding you, tiny Elizabeth Ane, and marvelling over how tiny and fresh from God you were. I was excited, scared, in awe, and hopeful of many joyous years. Something magic happens that very first time you hold your very first baby. It is my most cherished memory and it stays tucked safely in my heart.

It’s hard to believe that was sixteen years ago. I know I never expected parenting to be like this. I don’t know that I recall exactly what I expected. I knew it would be hard, but I had no idea of the intense joys and the gut wrenching sorrows that would come.

I hope I have learned a lot in the last 16 years. And I hope I have become a better mom, wife, daughter, sister, and person through it all.

I held you and marveled at the end, though tears streaked my face and letting you go was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  I marveled at your goodness, your readiness, and in the fact that you were meeting your Heavenly Father. I marveled at all you must be doing, and the thought of it has made me happy and joyous, though I miss you each and every day.

I have learned that Heavenly Father does indeed give us much more than we can handle and much more than we can bear – ALONE – and I have learned that as we lean on him He will bear all things for us and help us with the impossible burdens as they come. I know He loves us and I am grateful he doesn’t keep us from facing the hard impossible times, because as much as I miss you and love you and want you with us RIGHT NOW, I have seen so much growth in myself, my family and many others.

I am often surprised that I have survived this, and it is only through my Savior, Jesus Christ, that I have.  Because of Him the grief has begun to mend and the pieces of our lives still cling together. Because of Him we will all be together again someday. I just need to keep fighting, keep plugging on.

Happy Sweet 16, Dearest Elizabeth.

Thank you for making me a mom for the first time.

Thank you for bringing me so many incredible years of joy!

I love you.

Angelversary

Three years ago, with heavy hearts, we said our good-byes to our sweet Elizabeth Ane, had the machines turned off, and started on this new chapter of life. And while I have never known such depths of sorrow, I haven’t known such soaring joys, peace and comfort. In the past three years I have come to recognize more tender mercies and miracles from our loving Heavenly Father. Many of those tender mercies and miracles came to us through you – dear friends who have kept us continually in your prayers and followed promptings of service and love.

My faith has increased, and I have come to understand the atonement of Jesus Christ in a way I have never comprehended before. Often I am in absolute awe that I have survived this. I hope I have become a better person, more compassionate, more loving, and more like my Savior. I have come to know that in days of deepest sorrow it is still possible to find and know joy. I have also come to know that our Savior and Heavenly Father will truly pick up and carry our burdens when they are far too hard for us to bear.

It has been a long and arduous journey and while the burdens are lighter today than they were three years ago at this time, they are still there and I continue to turn to Christ for help in bearing them.  I know He lives and because He suffered and died for us and was resurrected, we too will live again. I know that through him we can attain peace and joy in this life and in the one to come. I know families are eternal, and while I yearn for that far off day when we are together again, I do my best to enjoy each moment here in mortality. I know that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father love us and will never leave us alone. They are there, if we but turn to them in our hour of need, to comfort and guide us through. Their love is unconditional and ever bright.

I miss her- every day, but I know she is with us still. We carry her always in our hearts and memories, and I know she continues to watch over her family. We love you, dear Lizy.